Playground in My Mind

A lot of moms I know HATE the park. I am not a park hater but admittedly it is not among my top ten ways to waste a Saturday afternoon. But like most kids, MyKid loves the park. Two Sundays ago, I decided to try a park we had never visited. I liked it a lot. It had a dedicated tricyle track and a large shaded fenced-in play area with adjacent bathrooms (so important for the newly potty trained). It was clean, there was a minimum of graffti and unsavory looking characters. For a park in Los Angeles, it was even relatively uncrowded. I was happy to have tried it out and intended to put it in our regular park rotation.

And then, I heard this. A nanny reported that a man had tried to buy her charge in my new park. I heard the mother of the nanny's charge interviewed on the radio. She sang the praises of her protective, quick-thinking nanny. Panic spread throughout the suburbs. My neighbors mentioned it to me and told me to be careful. My preschool had a flyer posted warning parents of this lurking danger. I was bummed. The park is in a nice neighborhood but I guess we are never safe. Just when I find a park I like, a shadow is cast. My cool new park thrill was tainted.

Then, a few days ago I read an update. Turns out the nanny made the story up. She hates the park too.

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby

I know traditonally (if blogging can be thought of as traditional in any sense) the occassion of a child's birthday is recognized on a blog with a love letter of sorts to the birthday boy (or girl if that's what you've got) revisiting the years of the child's life.
I got no time for that. But I did want to post a few pictures of MyKid enjoying his birthday at Kidspace which is a really great musuem cum preschooler amusment park. I usually take MyKid to the aquarium in Long Beach but we had just been there a few weeks ago. Anyway, Kidspace was fabulous and being a weekday in March, we nearly had the place to ourselves. The most fun were the trikes and the little creek the kids can play in. I liked the cool Eames-esque benches.

House of Jump: If you've gots the feeling jump across the ceiling

Yay for the Encino Farmers Market. It is a perfect distance from my house for a Sunday morning stroll with our little red wagon. There is always a nice selection of local organics and also decent tacos. Plus MyKid gets to practice his extreme jumping skillz.

Earth Girls Are Easy: A Valentine

Okay this is embarassing but the truth about single motherhood must be told. It can be a solitary and um . . . lonely life. One wants some companionship and some adult human contact but you know, with MyKid and everything, achieving satisfaction can be delicate and rare.

Lately, however it would appear not totally impossible.

Butt Sniffin'

So this morning I found myself in one of those conversations with another mom that, while friendly, seemed fraught with underlying competitiveness. I often find myself buying into this and playing the game as enthusiastically as anyone. How do I fall into this so often? What about me needs to be the alpha mom? You should know, I am reluctant to blog this because it paints me in a very unflattering light. It is on my mind though.

I will try to set the scene.

Maybe this morning, it was because . . . there I was, already behind the game in that I am naturally dumpy, (oh okay, fat), frumpy and over forty and to top it off today, I have been under the weather. Frankly, I called in sick to work but had roused myself long enough to throw on some sweats and rubber clogs to run MyKid over to preschool where I could abandoned him for the day while I tried to sleep (hey, it was that or a day of Noggin) No make-up, teeth unbrushed. Hair not only unbrushed but snarled and greasy.

MyKid was wearing a too big tshirt from Walmart and stained chinos with his own head of messy hair. He is having a hard time with separation anxiety this week so school drop off has been challenging. MyKid is not really a social lion at his school. Other kids find him a little aloof and quiet, I think. He is the youngest in his class. He whispers a lot. He has one other friend. A quiet tiny Asian girl as reserved as he is. They cling to each other like shipwreck survivors all day long.

And there she was. The mom I have noticed since the first day. Young, supermodel beautiful, looking fit, fabulous and impeccable in her casual jeans and hip sweater. A classic MILF. I know she is the mom of two of the most popular kids in the whole preschool. I have seen her husband too. Handsome, older but still hip-looking, an air of wealth, appears to dote on her and their children. She drives one of those big fancy SUV that I eschew on ethical grounds but maybe secretly covet. I bet their home is unbelievable.

I've seen her a million times. She has smiled at me and I have tentatively smiled back. She seems nice, actually. We have never spoken. Why today?

She is sitting with her older son helping him with his morning snack she packed from home. Cut up fruit (undoubtedly organic), wheat toast, yogurt, and to top it off, a thermos full of herbal tea.

I had not had the energy to mix up MyKid’s usual Instant Breakfast Yogurt Drink which takes all of about 2 minutes. He is complaining and requesting juice and crackers and yogurt. I got nothing. I am trying to pacify him with offers of tap water and promises of the preschool-served morning snack, still a half hour away.

Her: (smiling brightly) Excuse me. I have seen you around a lot but we have never been introduced. I am Regina.

Me: Honey, hold on, Mama is talking. Oh hi, Regina, it is nice to meet you. I am Encinomom, MyKid’s mom. Hey, I noticed you seem to be in charge of the teacher appreciation breakfast next week. I have a question . . .

Her: Oh yes. Well, (she laughs here) I am not in charge. It is a joint project with [insert name of another preschool MILF]. We believe it is important to show the teachers our appreciation for all they do for the kids. Our committee is part of the parents group which has three components, teacher appreciation, fundraising, and parent advocacy. It was started 2 years ago by some of the Dinosaur parents. The teacher appreciation committee tries to hold 4 events a year. . . [blah blah blah] . . .

Then she stops and smiles brightly again. Now here is where I could be kind and sincerely thank her and, because I have truly been considering getting involved in the parent committee, ask when the next meeting is. But I am not kind. Instead . . .

Me: Oh. I am supposed to bring a fruit platter and all I wanted to know was how much to bring. (Burn!!! shouts the Kelso in my head.)

Her: (clearly feeling like an idiot and her smile less bright and more sheepish.) Oh God, I always say too much. I just went on and on, didn’t I?

Me: now that I have scored a point I can afford to be kind, to a point. Oh no that is okay. I do it all the time too. Then to soften it a bit. It was actually good information. I really like the teachers here. We moved here not long ago and this school has been one of the best things about being here.

Her: (raising an eyebrow) Really? We came from [insert name of movie studio subsidized well respected hard to get into preschool]. They had a 3 to one ratio all the way up to age 3. Paramount grants a million dollar subsidy each year so it is really nice.

Now to the uninitiated (or perhaps less cynical) she has successfully let me know both that her kids are from a prestigious preschool AND that she or her husband are ‘in the business.” How freaking glamorous, thinks messy-haired, frumpy, dumpy me.

At this point, her son hands her a pink block. She smiles indulgently and says: At my house I get to be the pink power ranger.

Me: The pink power ranger? Isn't that sweet? But seriously, she left herself wide open here. Has she never played before or what? Oh, that’s so cute. We have not really reached the Power Ranger Stage yet. We don’t watch a lot of TV. I lie. I confess we do enjoy the occasionally episode of [insert name of somewhat obscure, smart funny hip kid’s cartoon here], though. Take that, Pinkie.

Her: Oh yes, the production value on [hip kidster show] is fabulous. A friend does the animation and it really wonderful. Translation: not only am I hip enough to know about the show, I actually am friends with its creator and probably have advance DVDs of episodes your sorry kid has not even seen. That is how we roll. (Then lowering her voice and returning to the topic of her former glorious preschool days . . .) Frankly, it really took some getting used to coming here. We were used to so much more. It was really nice having that individual attention. They are great here but . . . well, you know, we are used to providing something a little more enhanced.

Me: Before I can shut up. Oh I totally feel you on that. I used to have a nanny. We really miss her. It cost a little more than regular daycare but worth the sacrifice for those important early years, you know. One-ups with the nanny card. Woohoo.

Final Score: Encinomom – 3. ReginatheMILF - 3, which sounds like a tie but the truth is I am still a frumpy, dumpy, 40 year old reluctantly single mom with a strange little kid and she is still . . . well a MILF. and a nice one at that. She wins.

Rants and Raves

My Rant: I have noticed since moving to Encino that sometimes when I tell people where I live they get this kinda impressed look on their face, like “ooohhh FAN cee.” That is probably because there are some really good parts of Encino, just ask Moon Unit and MJ- - they’ll tell ya.

I, however, do not live in one of the really good parts of Encino. In fact I might as well be living in Van Nuys. Apparently in my corner of Encino, it is acceptable to drag race down a quiet suburban street at 3:30 am, just ask my neighbors - - they’ll tell ya.

I have been down for the count with the flu for the past few days. Last night I was finally getting a decent night’s sleep until I heard the sound of a jet engine landing in my front yard. I peaked out the window and saw the newest car in my neighbor’s ever growing collection being parked in front of my house. The parking space was not to neighbor’s liking however, because he found it necessary to circle the block at a rather high rate of speed no less than three more times before finally parking in front of his own house and letting the jet engine idle for another 15 minutes. At this point, I sadly abandoned my hopes of sleep and got up to finish my book.

This morning I took a closer look. I think the transmission is gone but check out those bitchen rims.


My Rave: Although I live decidedly north of the Blvd, I also live very close to one of the largest urban parks in Los Angeles. Tonight was unseasonably warm. After I picked up MyKid, we decided to stop by the lake on the way home from preschool for an hour or so before going home to the grind of dinner, whining, bath, argument, story, tantrum, bed.

It ended up to be one of those really nice low-key special moments. The sunset was beautiful. Lots of people were out and about and in good moods. Other moms smiled at us and we smiled back. It felt a bit like summer in February. And best of all, MyKid went to bed relatively easily tonight. Sigh . . .

Snow (hey-oh)

Two posts in one day. Wowee. But anyway I had to post these shots of my handsome little man just because he is looking especially handsome here. Totally vain and gratuitous, I know.

Don't Leave Me Hanging On the Telephone: A Rant about DSL

My DSL line and I have developed a very dysfunctional relationship. A few weeks ago, I procrastinated on taking care of some business and ended up with a disconnected phone line. For some strange reason too complicated to explain, this caused my DSL line (provided to me by DSL Extreme, a company totally unrelated to my telephone company) to have to be "disconnected and reconnected" and would apparently take 7-10 business days. That was three weeks ago.

I spoke with DSL Extreme Customer Disservice over the weekend* and was told that I was disqualified from receiving service. "But but but," I cry, "I ALREADY had service."

"Too bad," they said. "You are now too far away from thesomethingoranother to get service."

"Did thesomethingoranother move?"

"No, the rules changed."

Okay so let's review, I live in one of the largest, most modern cities in the world. I have already had DSL service at my current address for 6 months but suddenly it is not available and my only option is dial-up which I never have been able to make work.

Customer Disservice lady (who was actually nice in contrast to the folks I dealt with later in the saga) agreed to try to "override" the disqualification but could not attempt to do so until Monday when the phone company opened. Splendid!

Tuesday I call DSL Extreme to follow up. This time I am not quite as lucky. I speak with a horrible woman named Christine who, after a long explanation of what I need, still does not get it. Instead she tells me that I can no longer receive service at my current address so I have two options - I can pay the $250 early termination fee and terminate my contract or I can pay $81 to "buy my contract out" and they will "cancel" the contract and "waive" the early termination fee.

You might note my excessive use of quotation marks here. That is because I find it hard to understand how my contract is being cancelled if I will still have to fulfill my obligations under the contract while DSL Extreme no longer is willing or able to provide me with the service for which I contracted. Moreover, buying my contract out puts me in worse position than if I simply kept paying each month because I would have to come up with the money up front.

I explained to Christine that *I* was not terminating the contract but instead DSL Extreme was terminating the contract and therefore I should not be paying any type of fee whatsoever nor buying out a contract. She simply wasn't hearing it. I asked to speak to a supervisor.

After Christine condescendingly told me to "have a nice day", I was sent to Vanessa who, unbelievably, was even ruder and less helpful than Christine. She acts as if the buy out my contract option is a big favor she is doing for me and maintains that I am at fault for the whole thing because I did not fulfill my obligation to maintain a working phone line at all times. Apparently this gives DSL Extreme the right to rip people off for $250 according to Vanessa's interpretation of the contract. At this point I am starting to get ticked. I ask to speak with Vanessa's manager and she . . . HANGS UP ON ME. Nice.

Okay, here is the happy ending. I dashed off an irate email to the General Manager of the company. I think I might have thrown around some of that fancy lawyer talk (have I mentioned I am a lawyer on this blog yet?) There were suggestions of violations of unfair business practice laws. Terms such as "unfair adhesion contract" and "consumer unfriendly" were bandied about. I have to say that although I am proud of what I do for a living, I rarely if ever play the lawyer card. In fact, mostly I downplay my occupation so I don't get stuck hearing about someone's Child Support issues in Texas or whatever. Here, however it seemed to work.

I got two voice mail messages from DSL Extreme today. First one told me that the "override" went through and I would be back on-line as of February 5. The second one profusely apologized for the ill treatment I received and promised to waive any fees I paid for the time that my service was down. Sometimes, it pays to be a squeaky wheel. With a JD.

*For the sake of brevity, I will spare you the excruciating details of how many calls I had to make, how many minutes I had to wait on hold per call and how many times I was redirected to call a different number. Suffice to say that by the time I finally spoke to a live person who had a clue, I was speaking through clenched teeth. I should also note that the primary reason I choose DSL Extreme to service my broadband needs was because they are a local SFV company and I thought perhaps their technical support was less likely to be outsourced to a country where people speak very good English with very thick accents.

A few pictures from the desert

So I have had a brutual few weeks - putting out many fires at work and having lots of Babymamadrama (about which I am debating whether to blog.) Meanwhile my home machine is not internet worthy right now so I have to do all my extraciricular cyber activities from work. Boohoo. No porn shots today, kiddies.

Anyway, a friend who lives in the desert about an hour, give or take, from the EncinoPad invited MyKid and I out for a visit. It was great. She has the cutest house with nice views of the desert and the mountains from every window. The inside is mostly tongue and grove pine and feels so warm and cozy. It is a far cry from the EncinoPad where one sees my gangsta neighbors '69 beater Chevy Nova from every window.

She took us on a nature walk in the desert and then here for sweet treats. It reminded me of Trader Joe's back in the day. MyKid was . . . well, like a kid in a candy store.

MyKid also had a lot of fun with her girlies who are probably the cutest kids I know that are not related to me (in case one of my sisters or psuedosistersinlaw ever reads this.) So I posted a few pictures and I am assuming I have her permission since she kinda promised I would over at her blog. Hope you enjoy.

He Loved It

Remember this?

The smile says it all.

Weekends were made for fun. Right?

Okay, warning, this one has a lot of whining. So I fucked myself over this weekend by goofing off too much this week. (Have I mentioned my unmentionable addiction to Craigslist?) Thus, it left me with work to do somehow over the weekend. Not easy if one has an almost three year old trying to give up his nap. I tried to line up babysitting or a visit from babydaddy to no avail.

My alternative strategy was to wear MyKid out so he would for sure nap. Yesterday I took him to see Happy Feet (minireview - Cute in a way. A little heavy handed yet overly simplistic on the environmental message. Outstanding animation. Some scary moment for really little kids and why the fuck did the main penguin not look like the other ones. was he a different species of penguin or was he not maturing quickly enough or was his different look just to show how he was a quirky different kind of bird?) at the IMAX at Citywalk.

Unfortunately this plan was definitely Plan B because Auntie T. my sister and usual kidoutingcompanion did not get it together early enough to go to Venice Beach and return in time for an afternoon nap so mama can work. Anyway, both of us were tense and we ended up in a screaming match about where to park which resulted in me demanding to be let out of the car (I did not really think she would do it!) I did take MyKid to the movie but then we had a long bus ride involving several transfers and a 2 mile walk in the dark with no jackets to get home. Oh yeah, we came home and I realized that Auntie T. had the key so we had to sit on the porch until she finally responded to one of my hundreds of messages and came over to unlock the door (giving me the silent treatment the whole time.) Needless to say, no work got done yesterday.

Today, I managed to get us out of the house for a visit with Auntie Lee. We walked to a nearby taqueria and had lunch. MyKid is beat and fell asleep in the car on the way back. So here I sit procrastinating. MyKid is napping and will be for another 2 hours if I am lucky. Instead of working I am updating this neglected blog.

When I get around to making some new year's resolutions I am for sure going to have to tackle that procrastination thing.

Tonight's Dinner

MyKid is eating for dinner tonight:

1 handful rye toast crackers

1 string cheese

1 precut apple

1 carnation instant breakfast

I suck.

Time for a Quickie

Two things.

Went to a new place in K-Town near work called Pinkberry. It serves frozen yorgurt only. I don't like yogurt but I really like this stuff and not just because it is all the rage with the starlet crowd (okay maybe that is the reason but it was still really good)

My mom is currently at my house while I am at work. She is here from Arizona for a 4 day visit. For the love of all that is good and holy, let me get through the weekend without screaming at her or breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. Let MyKid get through the weekend without going into a sugar coma.

That is all I can come up

Working Mom Blues

Until I became a mother I never really understood or even knew about the tension between stay at home moms (SAHM) and moms who have paying jobs outside the home. See? I can't even say "working moms" as a shorthand because the SAHM cabal will scold me and remind me that "we are all working moms."

The debate used to be about who had it harder - the mom who never gets a break from her little tyrants and has keep the household running or the mom who might have time away from her children while putting in her 40-50 hours a week but still has to grocery shop, do laundry, keep house, make dinner, pay bills, etc.

As a mom with a paying job, I always felt that my ilk has it a bit harder especially if one is single like me. I do get time away from MyKid but going to work everyday is not exactly "me" time. My butt has to be in the company chair from 9 to 5 (more or less) each day, rain or shine. I have to wake up early and hustle us out the door everyday no matter if either of us is lacking sleep or otherwise crabby. I have to do all my shopping during weekend hours when the stores are really crowded. I stay up late at night to get laundry done. I attempt to serve healthy balanced meals everyday. I have been know to vacuum at 4 am. The bottom line is that I have a lot less flexibility in my day. Things have to run like clockwork. And I miss MyKid all day long.

But all that is beside the point nowadays. The debate has gotten more complex. Working at a paying job or not seems to be a barometer in certain circles for how devoted one is to one's children. I have found myself in uncomfortable conversations with other mothers who tell me that if I just made some sacrifices I, too could stay home. Just give up that annual vacation to a tropical location. Drive a cheaper car. Move to a cheaper house. Stop going to Starbucks. I have been lectured ad nauseum about how raising her child is the most important, most difficult, most rewarding job any woman can have.

For me, as much as I would love to, it ain't gonna happen. I am fortunate that Babydaddy does financially contribute to MyKid's support but the amount he contributes is not enough to live on. To make matters worse Babydaddy is no longer interested in living in a single household together so I have the sole resposibility to put a roof over our heads . I am the one who will be putting MyKid through college. I already live frugally but I there is just no way to stop working altogether or even part-time. Tell that to the SAHM cabal and get scolded for making the bad choice to become a single parent in the first place. (fuck you Dr. Laura!) It is a no win and I am not even trying to win. I am just trying to love MyKid and do my best for him.

This is coming off like a bitter rant. That is not my intent. I know some amazing moms, some with paying jobs and some without. Most of my mommy friends and acquaintances take the attitude that each family has to do what is right for them and pass no judgment. That is my general attitude as well.

I am just thinking a lot about this today because after our usual morning hustle, my hour commute to downtown LA, and about an hour in my cubicle, I got a call from the preschool. MyKid vomited on himself and needs to go home. Fuck! I have a deadline to meet and I was already pushing my luck.

I called Babydaddy but he is having some absenteeism issues of his own at work and could not comfortably leave. I called my sister who also works 9-5 but works in the Valley and can sometimes help out. No luck there. I even broke down and called Babydaddy's mother who does not work, lives close by and yet never seems to be available when MyKid needs her. She never answered phone and doesn't have a carseat anyway.

I bit the bullet, went into El Jefe's office and delivered the bad news that I had to leave but would try to work from home the rest of the day. He rolled his eyes, sighed tiredly, and waved me off. He has two preshoolers. And a stay at home wife.

When I walked into MyKid's classroom, he gave me a cheerful grin and reported proudly "I frowed up." Then he ran off to the playground where I had to fetch him, fend off his tantrum about leaving his playmates and bring him home. He begged to stop for french fries on the way. Real sick. Damn it! I was secretly counting on the fact he would be so sick that I could justify putting him to bed, turning on Noggin and working the rest of the day. Wait a minute! Did I just admit to letting the WonderPets babysit MyKid? Did I just wish that MyKid was sicker than he is? I sound like a lazy, evil mother with her priorities out of wack.

Maybe they're right about me after all.

The Kids In Girl and Boy Land Will Have a Jubilee!

So Christmas time is coming and I am as always conflicted but I will save that for a later post. Today's topic is toys. I am one of those earthy crunchy types who would prefer only wooden hand crafted toys. Or at least low tech toys. I avoid things that need batteries sold separately and that play a snippet of the same song over and over. We go easy on the things with lots of little parts. Guns, swords and WMD? Verbotten.

For his main Holiday oh okay Christmas present MyKid is getting a this. The antithesis of my toy philosophy. It needs batteries. It has lots of little parts to lose or step on in the middle of the night. It makes annoying noises.

I am going to hate it.

MyKid's IdenticalTwinCousinsNedandMike (ITCNM) have one. Whenever we playdate over there, he beelines for the darn thing and won't think of playing anything else. I have sold my highfalautin' toy ethics for the Kodak moment of a lifetime. I can hardly wait for Christmas morning.

He is going to go apeshit.

Valley Girl. Fer sure fer sure.

How did I get here? This is not my beautiful life. I agonized over the name for my new blog because I am not so sure I want to identify myself from the get go as a Valley girl.

I mean how uncool is that? I am such a wannabe hispter and let me tell you if you are unfamiliar with the turf - The valley as in the San Fernando Valley, teenage wasteland suburbia to the City of Angels is *not* hip. I have lived in some hipper than thou places - - Venice Beach, Marin County, Santa Barbara - I know hip even if I am not.

Funny thing is I was born a few miles from where I live now. I pass the hospital of my birth in crappy Van Nuys weekly. So how do I find myself living back in the wide smoggy trough between the Santa Monicas and the Santa Susannas - the region of my birth? Well, there was this guy from the west side that I met up in Santa Barbara . . . yada yada yada . . . I am a single mom with a 2.5 year old son forced out of my cohabitation situation in west Los Angeles.

To further complicate matters, I have this big dog. A really big dog. I am not just saying this to deter stalkers and intruders. The dog figures in to the story. See the dog is young and unruly because I am too lazy to train him to walk on a leash properly. He needs space to run, trained or untrained. A bitchen little condo in the Marina with a 3 foot balcony was not going to cut it. A cute craftsman style backhouse in Silverlake was out of my single parent slacker budget. Where do you go to find little boxes with dog friendly huge backyards for cheap? Look no further than beautiful haven of Encino, CA.

So here I am - living in a box - albeit a box which walls I have painted many lovely and soothing colors and strewn comfortable furniture about so as to make it "homey." The weather is cooling down from the hellish hellish months between April and November. The Santa Anas are blowing hard so it is heartbreakingly clear out. The mountains appear in sharp relief. Planted along the streets of my neighborhood are a rows of Liquid Amber trees turning red. Families are starting to put up Christmas decorations. My dog seems content in his fetch playing paradise. My son seems blissfully unaware that he has lost his chance of becoming the next Tommy Curren or Stacy Peralta. So like, I guess this place is not totally grody to the max or whatever.

Get a Blog!

Okay so I did. I have lots of funny, interesting things to say. Really I do. I will be writing them down soon for your reading pleasure.